I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
