So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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