I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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