Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
