I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
