i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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