I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
