You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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