before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
