he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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