We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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