i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
