Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
