I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
