If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
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