Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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