I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
