Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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