come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
