on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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