I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize