Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I checked into jail on foursquare
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
