im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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