is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
