brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Pappa wants mamma naked
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
