We're facebook friends in real life
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
