Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
