I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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