i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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