But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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