I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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