she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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