That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize