it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
