But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You should frame my arrest warrant.
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