He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I didn't notice because vodka
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
