so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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