no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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