Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
