Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
