I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
