So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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