Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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