I wish i was in the wii world.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
