You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
