Nicole vs. Life
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
