you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
