Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize