Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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