i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
