Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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