so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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