rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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