Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
