Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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