This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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