"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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