Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
