my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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