It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
