I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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