I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
